Monday, March 14, 2011

you shall be assimilated or let them eat bacon


i've mentioned the trials and tribulations crimes and misdemeanors antics of the danish integration ministry several times of late. when we last left our vikings heroes losers they had just kicked out the dolores umbridge toadlike minister known as birte rønn hornbæk and appointed søren pind, who was best known for his saturday morning radio call-in advice show performances.

mr. pind, never one to shy away from the limelight in his designer glasses and overly bushy eyebrows, immediately began talking about how his ministry wasn't going to focus so much on integration as assimilation. and thus we stepped into an episode of star trek: the next generation and there was no cute picard as lucretius of borg in sight. "resistance is futile, you shall be assimilated." and so it got me thinking about what being assimilated might mean. and what the implications of assimilation are, if you carry them out to their logical conclusion...

some of my fellow foreigners and i joked about it on facebook, saying we'd have to learn things like how to run over people with your grocery cart and never even THINK about apologizing. and how to master looking right through people as if they don't exist and never chatting with a stranger anywhere, but especially not in line at the grocery store.

but then i realized that to truly stamp out anything not danish would change things around here very dramatically. for example, since the danes don't make cars, i imagine we'd have to get rid of those. as for sushi and pizza and kebab - forget it, it's all gotta go. no italian scooters to replace our missing cars. and no beer, since that's not a danish invention either. i'm thinking pretty much all we'd have left would be bacon.

dang, i wish they'd hurry up and call an election so we could get rid of this increasingly unfunny joke of a government. but at least we have bacon.

8 comments:

poet said...

Oh my. At first I thought the "let them eat bacon" part referred to a particularly atrocious demand that Muslim people in Denmark stop eating halal food and start eating pork... which isn't that far off really if we're talking assimilation. Brrrr. You probably know the postcard that counts all the good foreign things in a typical Central European's life ( your pizza - Italian, your car - Japanese, your kebab - Turkish, your God - Jewish, your furniture - Swedish, your jeans - US American...) and finishes "... and your neighbor is just a foreigner?!" The scenario you paint is eerily similar.

Cheers despite the unfunniness,
poet

melissa said...

well said, julie!
i heard a bbc radio docuemtary about the scary political situation in denmark right now- it made me sad. here's hoping things even up and move to the left soon.

Elizabeth said...

Julie, we are only products that are allowed in the holy land for now. Soon they will invent the perfect reasoning to export all of us out!!!!

Only than they will realize that we are of value butby than it is too late. The goose is slaughtered or the pig.

Bill said...

There's always Danish furniture oil and Danish pastries.

celkalee said...

I don't pretend to understand assimilation politics. It all seems so contradictory. Then again, I think that is the issue......
Corinne

julochka said...

poet - sadly, they want to do exactly that (they're talking about restrictions on halal)...but i was just trying to be funny with the bacon.

melissa - it's pretty scary rhetoric going on and it's coming to light that it's been backed up by all kinds of underhanded actions where people's residence permits and even passports are concerned - since 2004!

e - a choice between goose and pig, eh? scary.

bill - i'm afraid no pastry here. tho' the rest of the world calls it danish, the danes call it "vienna bread," so i guess it will have to go. and only if the furniture oil is made of rapeseed oil will it be able to stay.

corinne - contradictory indeed and not at all thought through. every culture is made up of multiple elements, it's very hard to say what is and isn't intrinsically danish.

Sandra said...

I hate to hear this, as I held Denmark is such esteem. Goes to show, clay feet are everywhere. At least you have bacon.

Ally said...

This all seems like such bizarre behavior for a country that I always thought was sane and modern. Fear of the other, is everywhere in the world I guess.

You did make me laugh with your logical conclusion. Viva la bacon.